Learning to laugh in the rain, or something like that

I am currently incapable of taking life seriously. I take my job very seriously. The only parameter of my life that needs to be taken seriously in my mind right now is that it must go on. I have laughed so much this past week I have begun wondering whether or not I might be going insane (I’m not). The thing is, I just need to live. I need to live without worry and hate and pain. Too bad that’s impossible…

So here we are, me laughing at every situation and you’re watching me, wondering why the f*** I think Trump running America is hilarious and not scary. Wondering how I can dance around because a black female is going to be on a symbol of the power she never had. Wondering how I still want to go to Target and don’t give a damn about transgendered bathrooms. I could write so much on each of these individually, but I would get bored and so would you. In my mind right now, I just wonder how much do these things really matter?

Prince’s death metaphorically broke the internet last week (and I firmly believe if it hadn’t been in the middle of the work day that would be a literal statement). But, how many of you KNEW Prince? I mean like walked up to his house with a basket of cookies, played cards and Guitar Hero KNEW Prince. Exactly, so worry about your own life. Which is exactly what I am doing.

I know that those recent news items I mentioned above very well do affect me as a black female graduate student in America. I also know that I can only control who I vote for, what bills I carry in my wallet, and which bathroom I use. I’m not here to dictate someone else’s life; I do not have that power and I do not want it. I have the power to laugh when something is funny, obnoxious, scary, sad, happy, you name it. It may not be the “right” response, but dammit I’m going to be happy to be alive today and in this moment.

I want to enjoy every feeling that comes my way. It is really difficult to enjoy sadness and defeat. However, I have the ability to control how I respond to whatever caused that feeling, and I’ll be damned if I don’t turn it around. This year has already gone by so fast, I feel like I’ve sat on the sidelines of my own life for way too long. I feel like I’m writing the book of Brittany as a third-party observer. No more. Nuh-uh. No way. Not me. It’s time to be unstoppable.