Remember Me

I have been reading a lot of non-fiction lately, like memoirs rather than my usual educational stuff. And let me tell you, I am loving it. I wish I could talk about myself the way these women (and yes, they are all women of late) talk about themselves. Currently I am reading through Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. I love Shonda, in fact this is not the first post attributed to her this year. I have watched every single season of Grey’s Anatomy and I promise I will cry when it comes to an end (and I didn’t even cry when Denny died… much). Here’s what has made me fall more in love with Shonda while reading this book: her honesty.

I feel like we struggle so much with honesty in every part of our lives. I feel like I cower when someone my superior questions me rather than standing my ground. I feel like I sugar coat things with my equals because I am afraid of ruining relationships. In my head, I want to be the woman who burns down bridges. I want to be the woman everybody remembers when she has moved on. I want to be a total and complete badass, but only in my mind.

If you go back and look through my posts from black history month you will notice that everyone, especially the women, was chosen because of some badass quality that I feel is achievable in my head. But that’s it it stays in my head. Shonda Rhimes has some great quotes in her book about dreamers and doers. I know how dumb being a dreamer is. But that does not stop me from letting my dreams be dreams. I suck. I know I suck. But do I really suck? Or am I awesome? I’m awesome.

I am awesome. I am still awesome. I am so freaking awesome I cannot even tell you how awesome I am.

I can say it over and over, but until I do something about it, I am not going to be the woman everybody remembers. I did a vlog about being your own advocate. The entire time I was recording that, and every recording until I stopped forgetting to include things, I had to fight the urge to scream the whole thing. That’s great and all but until I start actually DOing, who cares? Until I stop crumbling and sugar coating and hiding and dreaming, nobody will care.

What do I have to do to be remembered here? I don’t know. I don’t know if anybody can tell me. I don’t know if anybody can tell me the secret to being remembered. I do know that I can start making changes in my life, I can start choosing new yeses and seizing different opportunities and satisfy myself, fulfill my dreams, and I could go on with this sentence forever…

I want to be remembered. I could really careless if I’m remembered for two weeks or twenty years. I just want to make an impact on enough people to be remembered until somebody else comes and does better. And I truly do hope someone comes to upstage me, but not until after I’m gone. The future needs to be better than the present. So if you come after me, please do exceed my accomplishments. But until then, stand back. I have a takeover coming.

This is my time.


Published by She Got The PhD

A web-based soapbox of an Assistant Professor of color in Chemical Engineering; sharing my feelings on books, academia, and current events. I hope you enjoy reading :)

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